


Corners of Darkness

by ggbeaner



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Anxiety, Crying, Flashbacks, Gen, Intruding Thoughts, Michael Mell is a Sweetheart, Panic Attack, Poor Jeremy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-05-10 08:53:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14733875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ggbeaner/pseuds/ggbeaner
Summary: Jeremy flopped down on his bed and pulled the covers over his body. Most nights started like this: him lying in bed for a while, thinking, before his brain shut off and he fell into sleep.It had been different since the SQUIP.Trigger Warning: Panic attacks, intrusive thoughts





	Corners of Darkness

Jeremy flopped down on his bed and pulled the covers over his body. Most nights started like this: him lying in bed for a while, thinking, before his brain shut off and he fell into sleep. It had been different since the SQUIP. He would lie there, helplessly, as memory after memory washed over him. Each night was a monstrous journey to sleep, and he was beginning to fear just closing his eyes.

Tonight was no different. At first, other than the tingling in his gut, everything seemed fine. But the moment he began to watch the backs of his eyelids, the SQUIP appeared. Its face leered at him. _I can to fix you. Repeat after me-_

Jeremy forced the thought out of his head and tried to focus on something else. He tried to remember his lines from the last show he was in, just to focus on something, but the moment he got past the first few, a voice interrupted him.

_Why are you avoiding me, Jeremy? With me you could finally be more-_

His eyes shot open, the image of the SQUIP still burned on them. The tingling in his stomach had grown and his heart was racing wildly. _Just stop thinking about it!_ he yelled at himself. _Block it out and ignore it._

Sitting up, he reached over to his nightstand and grabbed his phone. He plugged in a pair of headphones and chose a relaxing playlist. Right before he stuck them in his ears, he looked around his room. The transformation that it took at night was complete. During the day, it was a comfort, a safe haven. But at night, the darkness that lurked in the corners spread across the entire room, bringing shapes and fears with it. It became a place of horror and anxiety, one that he loathed.

He closed his eyes again. Hopefully, with the melodies of the music to distract him, all the thoughts would be forced from his head. In order to keep his mind occupied, he sung along silently. His breathing began to slow.

_Did you really think you could get rid of me that easily?_ No, he had to focus on the notes. The guitar, the drums-

_I’m everywhere. I’ll always be with you._ The voice bored into his brain, distorting the sounds pumping through the earbuds. A glitchy picture of the SQUIP, teeth bared in a gruesome smile, began to appear on the black expanse of his eyelids. The sound of its voice became a whine.

_YoucannevergetridofmeI’llalwaysbewithyouIcanfixyou_

The image of it began to swirl in a vortex with other memories. Michael crying, Christine screaming, his friends on the floor. Why couldn’t he make the thoughts stop? Warmth slid down his cheeks. Theyjustwouldn’tstopwhycouldn’themakethemstop _pleasejuststop-_

His eyes opened with a snap and the sounds cut off immediately, but they still seemed to whisper at him from the dark corners of the room. His breath caught in his chest and he choked back a whimper. Hand shaking, he picked up his phone. Trembling fingers dialed, automatically punching out a number that he knew well.

“Hello?” Michael said sleepily. Then the floodgates broke. Huge, gasping sobs were ripped from his lungs with a force so strong that he couldn’t stop them. All the frustration and fear and anxiety was pushed through his mouth and released in a wail. He tried to hold his breath to make it stop, but they burst through in hiccups and coughs.

“I’ll be right over.”

“D-don’t leave me!” Jeremy cried.

“I won’t.” Michael’s voice was like a lifeline. “Just breathe, Jer. It’ll be okay.”

“Micha, I c-can’t make them s-stop!” He gasped and choked. “They won’t g-go away!”

“What won’t go away? What’s there with you?” Michael sounded wary.

“The th-thoughts! I can't m-make them stop!”

“I’m getting in my car right now. I’ll be there in a few minutes. It’ll be okay, Jeremy. Don’t worry, just listen to my voice. I’m here, it’ll be okay…”

Michael kept up a soothing stream of conversation as he drove. Jeremy listened to it, tears flowing down his face, until he heard a small knock on his window. Michael climbed in and Jeremy didn’t think, didn’t hesitate, just ran over and plunged his face into the soft sweatshirt that he wore. Hands cupped his head gently, ran over his arms, across his face.

“Just breathe. Breathe. You can stop them if you breathe, Jer. In with me…”

Michael inhaled and exhaled with him, helped him calm down as Jeremy cried into his chest. Jeremy hated it, breathing to get rid of the pain. Why couldn’t it just leave by itself for once? His lungs cramped from the pressure of his sobs.

Michael must have sensed his gasps increasing. “Just focus on my voice. In… and out.”

God, this was embarrassing. Michael may be his best friend, but there are some things that you just want to deal with alone. Unfortunately, sometimes that isn’t possible.

When the tears finally ran out, Michael didn’t let go, just kept holding him tightly. Jeremy’s breath stuttered as he focused on his breathing. He inhaled slowly, smelling the comforting smell of weed and fabric softener, the familiar smell of a familiar red sweatshirt. “T-thanks, Micha.” His voice sounded weaker than he would have liked.

A hand started to stroke his head. “Of course. I’m always here for you, Jerebear.”

Jeremy snuffled and wrapped his arms tighter around Michael’s body. “Will you stay?” he whispered.

“Did you expect me to leave?”

Slowly, lying together on the bed, the two boys let waves of sleep run over them until they were immersed in darkness.


End file.
